Leaving It All Behind
by squeakyfingers
Summary: Abandoned. Sam's taking her last steps down the VCTF hallways as someone else is reminiscing about days long ago, and missed opportunities. Sorry Bailey fans, its SJR. r/r
1. Goodbye

Disclaimer: Yea Yea I know the boring part.....I do not, I repeat DO NOT own any of these characters and I make no money off of them. I do not own the song "Angel" it belongs to Sarah McLauchlin.   
  
  
  
  
  


Leaving It All Behind   
  
  
  
  
  


She walked down the corridor for the last time and the feeling she got was almost surreal. A sense of calm hit her as she realized the milestone she had just reached. She was free. Free from Jack, free from the pain, free from the death that had stalked her for all these years.   
  


Spend all your time waiting, 

For that second chance, 

For a break that will make it okay, 

There's always some reason, to feel not good enough, 

And its hard at the end of the day, 

I need some distraction, ohh beautiful release, 

Memories seep through my veins, 

It made me empty, 

ohh weightless hey maybe, we'll find some peace tonight   
  


Eyes glared at her from every corner like beast waiting in the night. Yet no one knew the feat that she had just accomplished. All of her past was locked up in these stone walls for everyone to see. Her memories spread out like a photo album. Here there was never peace, here there was never quiet, just three long years of pain, loss, death and inner turmoil.   
  


In the arms of the angel, fly away, from here, 

from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel. 

You were thrown from the wreckage, of your silent revelry.

You're in the arms of the angel, may you find, some comfort here   
  


She could now move on with her life, her burdened soul finally able to deal with the deaths of so many of her loved one's, Tom, Coop, and the many others on Jack's list of casualties. She is pushing the door slowly open, gazing out at the street she is finally allowed to walk on without fear.   
  


So tired of the straight life, 

And everywhere you go, 

There's vultures and thieves at your back, 

Storm keeps on twisting, 

Keeps on building the lies, 

Till you make up for all that you lack, 

It don't make no difference, 

Escape on last time, 

Its easier to believe, 

In this sweet madness, 

This glory and sadness brings me to my knees   
  


She drives away from the stone structure in the center of the bustling Atlanta downtown area. By the time the others knew she would be long gone, never much for goodbyes and those ones would be especially hard. The tears would surely flow, and they were destined to beg her to stay, but she could not. The pain here was to heavy for her to bear. People always talked about second chances, well here was hers. As she drove away from the city, if you listened very closely, you could almost here her whisper, a faint almost inaudible goodbye ........   
  


In the arms of the angels, fly away from here, 

from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel. 

You were thrown from the wreckage, of your silent revelry. 

You're in the arms of the angels, may you find some comfort here. 


	2. The Poll

  
  
  
  
  
The Poll

Hey everybody, I would like to know if anyone wants me to write a follow-up to this story, Leaving It All Behind.

I have been considering it and now seems to be the time, since it is summer and I have all this free time while I am out of school and nothing else productive to do with it. Please send me some feedback in the review section of the story or by e-mailing me at GeckoGal21@lycos.com.

A). You would most definitely like to see a follow-up story, with maybe a little SJR to go along with it.

B). You would like to see a follow-up story with some SBR action.

C). You would like a follow-up story but no romance involved.

D). You do not want me to write a follow-up story.

Please send me some feedback! Thanks! 


	3. The Letter

Leaving It All Behind 

By: SilverEpiphany

****

**Disclaimer**:  I do not own the characters of Profiler, they are owned by NBC and the such. I just like to let them float around in my head for a little while, maybe make them dance for me, the usual stuff….  I also do not own the song "My Sundown". It is written and recorded by the members of Jimmy Eat World. Now on with the show …. 

**Authors Note*** I was listening to some very depressing music when I wrote this fic. It's heavy on the angst. Please tell me if this is too moody and dark.

Chapter 2 – The Letter I see it around me 

I see it in everything

I could be so much more than this

I said my goodbye's 

This is my sundown

I'm gonna be so much more than this

            He still could not believe that she was gone. He can into the office after his break was over, and she was gone. The only explanation he received was a small white envelope with his name in bold black letters on the front. He knew she was running and it made him want to rip the letter to shreds before he even read it. But he just couldn't do it. He couldn't let go of the one piece of Sam that he had left. Carefully he took out his letter opener and slide it underneath the flap, opening it slowly. 

With one hand high 

You'll show them your progress

You'll take your time

But no one cares

Dear John,

            By the time you have read this letter, I will have given Bailey my letter of resignation and will be out of Atlanta. I wish I would have had the courage to say goodbye to you in person but the truth is that I was scared. As many times as you have told me how brave I am, I am still just a coward on the inside. I was afraid the team, especially you, would try to talk me out of leaving. But I had to leave, for my own sanity I just had to get out of that place. There is no joy in those cold stone walls. I feel only pain, heartbreak, and loss. We work in a suffocating and gruesome profession. You know that as well as I do.  I need time to heal John. Not once in the last five years have I been able to concentrate on myself, healing my wounds.

            I will miss you John. Its funny, when I first met you, Grace, and George, you were the one that I just couldn't stand. Now you're the one that I will miss the most. Your smile, your sense of humor; you always were able to make me laugh. I wish you showed more people that side of you. Then they would realize how incredible you really are. 

            John, watch out for the rest of the gang for me ok? God, I am going to miss you so much. Maybe I will see you again someday, who knows? I wish you the best and remember that you always have a friend in me, even if I am not there. Goodbye.

Love,

Sam

I need you to show me 

The way from crazy

I wanna be so much more than this

With one hand high

You'll show them your progress

You'll take you time

But no one cares

            His hands were trembling after he read her letter. He overwhelmed with emotions. Anger, love, sadness, all came rushing at him at once. Sadness, an overbearing sense of sadness hit him. She was gone, possibly forever, and all he had left of her was this small piece of paper. He could still smell her perfume on it. It was sweet like the smell of early spring, something he never wanted to forget. Why was he such a chicken? Why couldn't he have told her when he had the chance?

With one hand high 

You'll show them your progress

You'll take your time

But no one cares

No one cares

I could be so much more than this

No one cares

I wanna be so much more than this

No one cares

I wanna be so much more than this

            He knew in his heart all along that he was in love with her. He could tell when she was upset; and secretly he was upset with her. When she met Coop, he was jealous. He felt used, discarded, unwanted. She never thought of him as boyfriend material. So he vowed to never tell her how he felt, for fear of being rejected. But now, now she had left him. He couldn't even admire her from a distance. It left an aching in his heart. It felt as if someone had reached inside of him and yanked it out. He never said "I love you" to her, and now he would never get the chance. She was gone.

Good goodbye, lovely time 

Good goodbye, tin sunshine__

Good goodbye, I'll be fine

Good goodbye, good goodnight.

The End 

Please give me feedback. Should I write another chapter? 


	4. Recollection

Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing them for my own silly amusement. I don't own them, but maybe I will steal them considering NBC doesn't seem to use them anymore… Dave Matthews Band owns the song; it's called "Where Are You Going?" (PS… go buy the Cd, it is just to good to put into words).

A/N: Yep, we have another chapter…It is short and pretty pointless, but we're beginning to move the story along and I really couldn't think of a good way to lengthen it at all. So I am sorry that this is such a scrawny chapter, but at least it's here. I will update more often now that you all seem to be getting interested in it. I will warn you now though, I am headed off on vacation for a week starting Friday so don't expect an update until after August 5th.

Summary: Someone's reminiscing about days long gone…

Chapter 3: Recollection 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Where are you going with your long face pullin' down?  
Don't hide away like an ocean,

That you can't see but you can smell.

And the sound of waves crash down.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was a slow night at the VCTF and Bailey had sent all of them home early. John would have rather just stayed. It wasn't as if he had anything better to do that day. So now he was sitting on his couch, T.V. off, eating Chinese food. It was a habit that had slowly become a ritual since Sam had left. He just sat there, staring at the ceiling, thinking of what he had lost.  Memories flooded his thoughts; a touch here or a smile there. He even recalled their very first case together.

** *You have Chinese food in your refrigerator, you like your women in heels, your scotch straight, and yourself definitely on top***

Man had he ever screwed that up. He always wondered how she could even speak to him after that. But she did. Sometimes it seemed as if Sam was the only one who knew underneath all the bullshit, was someone who really cared. He was no tin man, he had feelings too. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am no superman  
I have no reasons for you  
I am no hero  
Aw, that's for sure  
But I do know one thing  
Is where you are is where I belong  
I do know where you go is where I wanna be  
  
Where are you going?  
Where do you go?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

***Am I dead?***

***Well there's some dispute, but the doctor's say no.***

She had stayed there that night; for him. It was the first time he knew someone really cared about him. One of the few times he was almost certain she felt the same way he did. Moving to his end table, he opened the drawer and pulled out a small envelope. God, it still smelled like her after all of these months.  Oh how he wished he could hold her just one more time. Gaze into those deep thoughtful eyes on that perfect, beautiful face. 

Still lost in his thoughts he almost didn't hear his phone when it began to ring. Startled he grabbed it off the hook praying it was Bailey needing him to come back into work.

**            "**Hello?"

            But there was only silence on the other end. Faintly he thought he heard someone breathing and he hesitated. Should he hang it up? It was probably just some stupid kid playing a prank, he thought to himself as he began to set the phone back down.

            "Wait, Please John. Don't hang up it's me ……Sam."

~~~~~

Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars?  
Well if along the way, you are growing weary you can rest with me,  
until a brighter day.

Yeah ok.

~~~~~

To Be Continued….

Yea you know what I want, reviews! At least five would be appreciated, but not necessary since this chapter is so small. Chapter four coming soon!


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